Here’s a peek into my struggles of my weight loss journey.

My Weight Loss Blog/Journal

Update: November 30th, 2017 I reached my goal weight of 102 lbs!

I am including this because I want you to see my struggle and not think I am some skinny bitch who doesn’t understand, I am a food addict and it was the absolute hardest thing to do was to lose 80 pounds so far. I am just putting some entries here so you know how it’s more MENTAL than physical in order to succeed. You have to be a Navy Seal in your mind, and resist, but because you KNOW IT WORKS, it’s a little easier because there are no nagging doubts. Just wanted to share a little bit of me and my struggle as I lost weight….

Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas and more touch and go, starting, stopping, starting again. I only tell you this because I am not perfect and don’t have any willpower but I didn’t gain, just didn’t lose. It’s like my metabolism has a new set point too!
Come January, it’s go time!

JAN 25TH, 2017
Second day of my second 50 pounds weight loss journey. Took me awhile to stop my eating cycle and just do it. I’m human, what can I say, it takes discipline and I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s worth it. Yet, in a sense it is easy. Just have 2 shakes filled with real powdered food, not chemicals, mixed with water only, drinking plenty of spring water, black coffee, diet soda-limit 1-2 per day.
I took my blood sugar after having a diet soda and my blood sugar went up as if it was full sugar, so as much as I’d like to believe aspartame and stuff don’t affect your blood sugar, it does. No calories, but still.
Didn’t cheat with a cheese stick or a peanut butter spoon, which is always my go-to justification for a cheat (it’s sorta like liquid, right?!) But I know it just starts that spiral and then it’s a binge-fest. And square one. And I just gotta get this last 50 pounds off and done with! Why drag it out?
It’s not like I don’t know it won’t work, or like the other diets I’ve tried. I KNOW this works, and fast-1 pound a day! It worked for the first 50 so I gotta buck up and DO IT!
I laugh at myself-I’m such a food addict and binger, I’d be the perfect storm for bulimia to grow, but the throwing up is what stops me. But I would be the perfect candidate, that’s for sure! Eat/binge all I want and throw up and get rid of the calories.
But no, I binge and I keep all the calories and fat and sugar, so yea…..I have my handy flip pages of anorexia “thinspirational” quotes. No, I don’t condone ANY eating disorder, but other weight loss sites are all like, “Oh, well, you binged, tomorrow’s a new day” but the ana sites are like the drill sergeant I need, firm, no nonsense about grabbing your weight by the balls and dealing with it and doing it and being strong and so I am inspired to suck it up. Sorry, but it’s the truth. I need a kick in the ass. What can I say, I’m a wimp when it comes to my food addiction.
Yes, it is an addiction, I get a high from eating, like serotonin kicks in or something and all is right in the world. Until the regret sinks in and I realize I just pushed my weight loss back another week.
One binge day takes a week to get my system/metabolism to start the one pound a day weight loss again. Even a cheese stick and spoonful of peanut butter will do it.
It’s gotta be the 2 shakes a day mixed with water, spring water, black coffee, (and a diet soda so I don’t wanna kill myself, lol), and I gotta be good with it. It works. Press on, soldier!
Third day is always the hardest, I don’t know why other than my mind and body do everything they can to sabotage my efforts, and the hunger pangs are still there and strong. After the third day, the hunger pangs subside and I get renewed energy and mental strength-steel willpower, even-but it’s getting over the third day and I am going to have to brace myself and tell my boys to keep me out of the kitchen and lock the fridge!
I have a second diet cherry coke zero just to keep myself from attacking the Lay’s potato chips in the office fridge, or think about having the apple cinnamon oatmeal packets we have in stock here. All I can think about is wanting to go to the store across the street and buy a string cheese stick, eat those chips, and yes, have a bowl of oatmeal.
I will eat anything at this point, apart from roadkill, lol. Maybe if it was barbequed….? Mmmm.…meat……
It’s so easy for some people; food isn’t an addiction for them but I’m a food junkie wanting my fix.
Grrr….at least the soda keeps me from jumping off a cliff, it’s not the healthiest thing but I allow myself a diet soda to keep cravings at bay, fill my stomach with bubbles and help me get over this moment. And feel like I can enjoy SOMETHING, sheesh!
I was the Starbucks mocha frappuchino girl, and to drink black coffee, which I do now, still isn’t an acquired taste, I don’t care who you are. It’s terrible. I’ve bought fancy roasts and espresso, blends and such, but black coffee is black coffee and other than the fact that it’s warm and I can pretend it’s delicious in the morning, whatever. I need the caffeine sometimes!

JAN. 26, 2017
Third day. I think of the Bible where Jesus died and rose the third day. Except in my case, I have to die to myself to rise a new person.
And today has been hard; my older son (my older son Vallen is 25 and my youngest son James is 16 and they both live with me. Vallen and I run his webhosting company, My two daughters Deborah and Susanna are out in the world and living on their own with their jobs and college) and I went to Lake Arrowhead to film the first clip of the documentary of my weight loss, “50 Pounds Gone, 50 Pounds to Go”, and passed a Chicken and Ribs place, a Subway, a McDonalds, a steakhouse, and of course I’m filming right next to a pizza place with all its smells….sure wish I didn’t have such a great sense of smell, it certainly doesn’t help a food addict!
Had a cherry coke zero after my shake instead of coffee for now, but of course I had to open the office fridge with the HUGE FAMILY SIZE BAG OF LAY’S POTATO CHIPS inside! I bought it for my boss since I finished off the last one that he bought, but he’s not here and it is.
Food is everywhere and I just have to deal with it, but you know, I think it’s easier for smokers than dieters and some of you will disagree but you don’t HAVE to smoke, biologically speaking, you aren’t wired and smells don’t trigger that need, whereas you have to eat or you will die eventually, and you can’t get away from food or eating, especially with kids and meals and such.
Last night I made BBQ burgers with mashed potatoes and did I EVER want to have a big spoonful of the mashed potatoes, just a spoon, in my mind it’s sorta liquid, right? Again with the justification!
But I stayed strong and drank my delicious chocolate shake. It probably wouldn’t be easier if I didn’t have kids, I would just have more time to fantasize about cheese, lol! And Vallen is helping by making dinners so I don’t have to be in the kitchen, but I also make dinners too and the temptation to just eat a meat patty-I am such a carnivore-becomes overwhelming at times.
I just have to keep thinking about the fact that no, I am NOT STARVING, I have had food, sufficient nutrients, probiotics, antioxidants, protein, carbs, and yes, fat grams and I am fine. My body is trying to make me lose my mind, where I just say “what the heck” and go into a binge-fest and then think later. Gotta keep my guard up.
Threw out my scale after the first 50 pounds, figured that this is working and I don’t have to obsess over every pound, just keep on it, but since we are making a documentary, we are going to buy a scale this weekend to document my progress.
This documentary idea is certainly helping me stay strong, got a goal and got to have proof so no messing up and cheating and pushing it out another week, just gotta be in a military mindset and press on!
But I will say, the amazing thing during the first 50 pounds was the weight I lost was real weight, real fat, because even when I let myself have a “food vacation” and ate healthy and not so healthy, for weeks on end, I NEVER GAINED ANY WEIGHT BACK! It was like my metabolism was at a set point, so even when I had lost 20 pounds and ate everything in sight, practically, for weeks, I didn’t gain the 20 pounds back. I didn’t lose anything during that time, but it wasn’t a “two steps forward, one step back” situation either.
Not that you should binge and go nuts but I am just making an observation that my weight loss system, unlike ANYTHING ELSE OUT THERE THAT I’VE TRIED, works this way, so when you get back on the “wagon”, you are still encouraged that you didn’t gain back all you lost and mess up all that hard work and torture. That’s discouraging in and of itself!
My stomach grumbles and I can’t stop thinking about those potato chips. Even the packet of ranch dressing. I’d drink that. I know. Gross. I am trying to remember that my stomach is going to growl and that it’s just fat burning off. Another cherry coke zero.
After today, it’s zen time. It does get easier, the stomach doesn’t growl as much if at all, and I have more mental and physical control. Just get through today.
I did pay for a gym membership and plan to get over there on my lunch hours, but right now with the snow it’s just too damn cold for me to walk in workout gear and they are a small hometown gym with no lockers or showers. I have a shower in my office but I’m thinking that’s weird?….still nice to lose weight while sitting on my ass at my desk all day but I do try to move and get up a lot at work, take walks around town at lunch, my very long and steep driveway which has been the bane of my existence has also shown me my progress-I don’t have to stop to breathe while walking up it-briskly in fact now!
50 pounds gone sure makes a difference and I want to move more. Plus, my skin is sagging in places where I’ve lost the weight most so I need to get my muscles into play now.
At least I’ve lost enough to get off my diabetes medication and those dangerous pounds lost, now it’s time to finish with weights/resistance training. I will, I promise.
Just trying to get through today!

JAN 27TH 2017
Had a pissy fit, just wanted a BITE of roast beef and swiss cheese on a small piece of toast, but I know and my sons know that it just starts the binge-fest rolling, so Vallen threatened to film it if I do. Brought up the camera. The reality of cheating in secret versus on camera…. well…I continued to pout and James put the toast in the fridge for his breakfast tomorrow.
I was mad.
Boy when you are denied an addiction, a “fix” per se, your mind and emotions get all rattled. I went to bed early just to be away from my boys so I don’t continue being pissy and pouty around them. I’m like a 3 year old having a temper tantrum, it’s embarrassing really, but the humiliation of having you all see it kept me at bay. Although, I’m sure he will have his moments to film me having a temper tantrum, lol, but I am glad I didn’t give in.
I told you, it’s that third day thing. Now that it’s the fourth day, of course I apologized and we hugged and they both know this is hell for me in a sense but I feel great and victorious, though I needed their help to keep me strong.
My pants are already getting loose again. And mentally I have my willpower again. Just gotta watch that third day.
Course Vallen jokes, third day, fourth day, fifth day, etc. LOL. It’s a daily battle, yes, but it’s good discipline and I am having all my body needs and more, I just have an addiction to junk food, well, ALL food, but I am going to lose this last 50 pounds and that’s that!
Kinda glad we committed to this documentary; helps me keep more accountable than just to my sons. I will admit that in the past I did sneak food to my room and ate in secret. Not this time.
I have to stay strong for YOU and to prove to YOU that it can be done by ORGANIC SUPERFOOD POWER SHAKES! And faster than the first 50 because I won’t be having my “eating days/weeks” and then take a week to get back to fat-burning mode. That is why it took me this long to lose the first 50 and now gonna power out the second 50.
I’m thinking of my own formula, own brand, under my Master Elixir name/brand. I had originally created the Master Elixir as an immune support supplement, just didn’t find an angel investor to support and help me launch it, other projects came up, but I think I could make this powerful weight loss/nutritional shake and have a whole line under the Master Elixir name, my brand, and help HEAL THE WORLD…
On another note, we are going out to do some grocery shopping and buying a new scale and so we will be driving awhile which is when we normally pick up fast food, so getting it for my boys (they do make healthy fast food choices, too!) and then a tiny child size chocolate shake for me. I do believe in small treats, but only as a once in awhile thing and only “liquid” for now, don’t want the stomach to start digesting and then the hunger pangs to start again and it’s back to day one.
Only one cherry diet coke zero today. I’m good. Might have another when my boys have their Wendy’s.
I did give Vallen the rest of the Lay’s chips that was for my boss; I’ll buy him a bag another time and make him keep it outta the fridge! I just don’t need to see and think about chips every time I grab my diet soda….now what to do about the apple cinnamon oatmeal? Maybe I’ll put it in my boss’s desk too. He is totally understanding and is so proud watching me lose, under his eyes, 33 pounds of my first 50. So I know he will understand and support and really, he never eats in the office anymore anyways.
Later, we went through Wendy’s and then later Del Taco, I had a small sample size chocolate shake at Wendy’s and a diet soda at Del Taco, and then my son wanted to pick up a $5 pepperoni pizza at Little Caesar’s to have in the house for the weekend for lunches, and all I can think of is CHEESE! And my mind going on and on about just a little bite, just a sliver of pizza, that’s all. But it won’t be all and I remind myself of that.
Even if I had a sliver of pizza and didn’t go on a binge-fest, the thing is, that little bit will stop the fat-burning process and then it’s a week before it starts burning again.
And I know myself all too well.
That sliver won’t be the end; I will binge because I want to eat till I don’t feel hungry and sorry, even though I am having all the protein, carbs, fats, vitamins, minerals, probiotics, antioxidants, omega 3’s, flaxseeds and fiber, with my 2 shakes, I will always feel hungry.
It doesn’t make your stomach feel full, it’s liquid, and I just remind myself that I have to embrace the hungry feeling; it means it’s burning fat and doing something.
But yea, that’s how one piece of cheese turns into a week long binge-fest and why it’s taken me a year to lose the first 50. I’m going into military, Navy seal mindset and being good and strong, for myself, for my kids, and for you, and it will take 50 days, not a year, this time.
Just can’t allow myself any leeway.
I know my food addiction and how it works and I am stopping it in its tracks. And yes, we go down our mountain every couple of weeks and buy junk food to enjoy on the weekend, well, Vallen does, and he’s like how I was, when I was young and before having kids. He can eat anything and never gain a pound. He’s young and his metabolism works fast. He loves healthy food too, so I don’t get on him about it.
Bought a digital scale. Here we go….

JAN. 28TH, 2017
Scale first thing in the morning read 146 pounds! I don’t even have a starting point of 150 pounds documented but I swear two weeks ago I weighed myself at the gym and it read 152 so it’s about right on, since it’s day 5. I haven’t been 146 pounds for 10 years! Woo hoo!

JAN. 29TH 2017
Filmed me standing on the scale and it read 145 pounds! Like I said, my theory is correct, super nutrition helps the body naturally shed the toxic and excessive fat. One pound a day, I am on my way! (Hey, that rhymes).
Got a large diet coke zero and called my daughter, who is a nursing student, and we discussed how interesting aspartame raises my blood sugar like actual sugar, and she said it has to do with the fact that aspartame mimics the same receptors or something.
Wanted cheese when I was filling up my fountain drink, since this gas station sells not just mozzarella string cheese but cheddar cheese as a wrapped stick too, and it was always my thing, but staying strong, countdown to 50 pounds. (Rhyming again!).
Tried on some new tops I got in my smaller MEDIUM size, for work, since my large tops are now falling off of me and my shoulders-yay! Also, I had a pair of purple jeans that I had out for when I lost some weight that I had bought at Goodwill, but now when I put them on to see, THEY ARE TOO BIG! (bummer, because they were really cute!) Put on a pair of Lucky jeans that now I don’t have to lay down on the bed to close the button fly.
Glad I kept my “skinny” clothes, sorting out what “fat” clothes to keep for that before/after photo type thing they do on documentaries.
It’s interesting how this has been a passion of mine, to help others, but now that I am helping myself, now I CAN help others!
I truly want to cure obesity and this is the answer.
Super nutrition so your body works right and naturally loses dangerous pounds in a healthy way.
I will make a workout video showing movement and exercises that obese people can do, that just makes sense to me. All those workout videos out there are for skinny people and no one is thinking about a fat person with a belly CAN’T DO CRUNCHES. An obese person is going to have knee, back and hip issues and you WANT THEM TO DO LUNGES? SQUAT? BEND OVER OR DOWN?
So, that’s on my list. Along with this book and my own shake formula so that others can know the joy I feel when something actually works and is healthy.
Oh my gosh, I can’t tell you how mentally unstable I felt doing the Water diet-which was so dangerous-or the Milk diet, or even the Lemonade diet for that matter. I just felt on edge, unhealthy, starving my body and sure enough, the minute I ate food again, I gained the 20 pounds I lost with each diet! (Except the Milk Diet where I GAINED weight).
I am finally working with my body, and yes, eating healthy is great as maintenance, but eating healthy and not exercising, I just didn’t lose weight, I just maintained my weight. This actually is “eating” healthy, per se, no exercise for now, and losing weight, real fat, not just water. Once I have lost 50 pounds, I can then eat healthy food and maintain it at that level.
It’s nice though, that losing the first 50, even when I would eat again for a week or month, that I didn’t gain any weight back, it’s like my metabolism was at a new set-point, so that was encouraging and helped me to get back on and get going again. I wasn’t starting from scratch, in a sense, re-losing the same 20 pounds is enough to discourage anyone!
I will say, though, my bra is getting bigger as I get smaller and it’s not fitting me anymore. I don’t understand why we have to lose fat there! All we ladies want is big boobs, all men want is for us to have big boobs, that should be like, we NEVER lose fat there!
But nope, I go in for a mammogram a couple weeks ago, the technician takes my X-ray, comes back with last year’s X-ray and puts them both on the light screen. Then, without turning around to look at me, says, “Have you lost weight?” And I’m like, “YES!!!”
And then it hits me. Grrrr….
Gotta start lifting weights at the gym though. Now that the dangerous pounds are gone, my skin is a bit loose and my arms are a-flapping, along with my stomach, so now that I can move without hurting joints, I gotta get some muscle mass in to help with the loose skin issue.
Plus, having muscle burns more calories just having more muscle mass, and it helps fill in where the fat was so your skin can adjust and I won’t need surgery to deal with loose skin.
Just need to discipline myself to go do it!

JAN. 30TH 2017
Scale today says 145 pounds, however, last night I had half a chocolate shake from In N Out (not the little sample one from Wendy’s) and didn’t realize a WHOLE SHAKE there is 590 calories! Sheesh! So half is still almost 300 calories, so no wonder! Can’t do that anymore, wow!
Also, my mind is hitting me below the belt, dammit! I fell asleep dreaming of this fantastic and simple chip dip my friend would always make. She would just dump a couple cans of chili and a whole block of cream cheese into a crock pot and let it warm and melt and mix and then had restaurant chips to dip-Yum! All night I kept waking up dreaming of food- that I was actively having pizza with friends and chicken with mashed potatoes with relatives and hamburgers and fries with the kids.
No fair!

JAN. 31ST 2017
This morning’s scale read 144, so back on track and no more In N Out shakes-even half! Sheesh!
I am having to send myself to my room each night. What I mean is, I am sending myself to bed early each night. Well, not just because getting a good night’s sleep helps with weight (or rather, not sleeping well has been proven to contribute to weight gain), but also because nighttime in front of the TV is my munchie-time and my mind just keeps replaying the same thing.
Just a bite. Just some chips and salsa. An avocado would be nice. Bean dip. Pretzels. A quesadilla.
So, after a couple of shows I kick myself to bed early, just so I can stop the mental relentlessness of my mind. At least if I’m unconscious I can resist!
My sons understand and support me, even if they miss TV time with Mom and our favorite shows have to wait till the next day, recorded. Can’t stay up late anymore.
The thing is, and another ding against me with my weight, I actually have a sleep disorder. Went to a sleep clinic overnight and everything. I have “Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome” and what that means is what I knew all along: no matter what time I get up in the morning, I just can’t get to sleep before 2 am. I could sleep in till 2 pm, or get up at 6 am and it doesn’t matter. Although, I am a night owl and love sleeping in, but even having a job and getting up at 6 or 7 am for YEARS, and yet not being able to fall asleep before 2 am, well, let’s just say that when I worked as a bartender for a short while, that was living the dream! At least I felt rested because I could sleep in!
But now studies show that lack of adequate sleep contributes to weight gain. Sometimes I take a sleeping pill to force myself to sleep early, certainly have been lately.
Everything smells good to me. Even the cat food!
And I still don’t know how to have a right relationship with food. When I lose the weight, will I magically not use food to comfort me? How do I learn to eat to live, not live to eat? It was/still is/ my drug and my addiction. I’ve only learned how not to eat, not how to live with food properly.
I know, one step at a time, but still, it worries me. I don’t want to end up at the same place again. I know that when I’ve eaten before, for months, I didn’t gain back the weight, but how long would that last? It seems my metabolism gets a set point now, but long term?
And I do love my junk food! I love healthy food too, salads, veggies, fruits, lean meats, but to say never to burgers and fries? I am rambling here, just talking in my head, but these are questions I wonder about when I am at my ideal weight.
Maybe I should embrace that French women never get fat thing that lady wrote about how they don’t deny themselves anything, they just allow themselves 3 bites and that’s it. At least they aren’t depriving themselves if they want cheese or chocolate; they just do a simple way of portion control. It makes sense to me. Even 3 bites of hamburger and fries can’t do that much damage, right?! Kidding….or not…lol…
My son says I should go to the gym and I agree. I just don’t have the motivation but I know once I am there and get moving, I am a beast! It’s that perfectionist in me-all or nothing. I need motivation but all I want right now is my coffee. Actually, all I want right now is EVERYTHING! And I want my coffee with sugar and cream but nope, black coffee is sitting here staring at me.
I just want to be honest and let you all know I know how you feel and that I am not perfect and yes, it’s not easy. It is, but it isn’t.
Glad I’m at 144, keep on going! Gonna read some ana thinspirations now. Again, I don’t support eating disorders; it’s just ana sites are no nonsense, kick your ass quotes that help me not give in when I so want to cheat.
That’s all. Seriously. I know someone who died of anorexia so I know how terrible it is and as I said before, I don’t condone it. I just like the kick in the ass quotes to keep my mind in military mindset to keep on track.
Thinking I might put some inspiring quotes as a tear off sheet or two in the book so you can cut them out and tape them everywhere.
I wrote down two separate binge-fests just to remind myself how out of control my eating normally is.
This is one day: toast, a can of lentil soup, a soda, a hamburger, piece of chocolate, 2 baked potatoes with butter, large salad, ½ blueberry bagel with cream cheese, ½ box of hamburger helper four cheese lasagna, scoop of green bean casserole, scoop of steamed veggies, ½ can peaches and a bowl of pretzels.
Another time here was the recorded binge-fest: bean burrito, chips and salsa, chicken patty, 6 chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce, 3 baked potatoes with butter, a hamburger, grapes, more chips, 3 full sugar sodas, clam chowder soup and a roast beef with swiss cheese sandwich.
Basically, I binge and eat the house.
Like I said, I’m the perfect storm for bulimia, but never went there and don’t plan to. My shakes work for me.
I just don’t know what to do about my food addiction/bingeing. Maybe I’ll see a therapist again. She helped me with my depression; I’m sure she can help with this. Although this seems a specialty field, but I’m sure addiction is pretty much the same across the board on how to deal.
Food, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol. Addictions.
Well, I did it. I got my ass to the gym. It’s literally around the block and I walked/half jogged there. Lazy ass that I am but hey, I lifted some weights. Man, I am so weak I can barely do 5 reps! Went to the treadmills and just did a Weight Loss program, it would go up and down 0-2 on the incline and mostly stayed at 3.5 miles per hour, so I half jogged and fast walked. Heart rate was in the range, which is a first for me. Usually I am outta the ballpark-I’ve had machines shut themselves off for me! And I’m like, hey, I can still talk and breathe, just because my heart rate is 180….so yea, that’s good. I do believe cardio has its place and for now, I have to work on both, since I have to work my way up on the weights and just weak in the muscle department.
Celebrated with a cherry coke zero. You know, those are really delicious if I may say so myself! Can’t even tell it’s diet. And now my mind is all like, ..”even better with vanilla ice cream like a cherry coke float”. Ok, ok, enough already!

FEB. 1ST 2017
Wow. Just wow. Apparently it isn’t just the In N Out shake that will do it; any kind of full sugar will stop the day’s progress. 144 on the scale this morning and yes, I had a popsicle last night. Sheesh! Alright, alright, enough of that! No real sugar whatsoever. Got it.
Need to remember to get up slowly from laying down or sitting; takes a minute to get balanced and if I get up too fast, I get dizzy. Hey, if that’s the only side effect, I’ll take it gladly! I feel great, healthy, energetic, clear-headed, and my pants are getting looser every day.
Vallen found information on the internet how in France they’ve taken mesotherapy to the next level: body weight loss. Which is what I am doing, just without injections!
And that’s awesome; there’s already scientific proof that what I am doing is healthy and works. Supernutrition from the inside out.
The Master Elixir will heal so many and help so many; I can’t wait to finish this documentary and get my product and the word out there!
Bathroom. Yes, I have to tell you that even though you will pee often, having a bowel movement now will occur only once or twice a week.
And gas.
I guess it’s because of your stomach growling and air getting to your intestines, but your gas will be toxic.
My innocent cat nearly died on my lap.
If there is a Most Toxic Fart contest in some rural town, you should enter. You will win. Just don’t let it rip on the flight over there.
Better yet, drive. Alone. With the windows down.
Spare your family and go outside if you need a moment. If you sleep with someone, for the time being, sleep on the couch.
Ok, ‘nuff said.

FEB. 2, 2017
So, the scale says 146 but there is a perfect explanation for that. Last night, I decided to prove a “calorie cycling” theory. I was wrong. Thought I’d have a lettuce wrapped, avocado and mushroom with cheese charburger at The Habit Burger Grill. It was delicious and I just wanted to enjoy a moment and not binge out, but see if no sugar but a bit of food, would push and lose a bit more weight. Then I went home, had a handful of pretzels and chips and salsa but no, that’s not a binge for me, I was totally in control. I think it’s all salt/water weight and tomorrow we will see. Totally worth it, though! Ok, back on plan!

FEB.3RD, 2017
Ok, ok, gotta stop, this is becoming a bad habit! Thought I could have some rum and diet coke last night and stay on track but nope, next thing I know, my will power is gone and I’m making a garlic chicken breast and had a bowl of chips. That’s now 2 nights of having food, so this stops right now and even though I like to have a cocktail once in awhile and we just bought some white rum last night on sale, it’s gonna have to be all Vallen’s. No drinky winky for me till I’m at my goal weight! Course I say that now….
It was encouraging that this morning the scale read 144 pounds, which is what my weight was before the Habit burger and chicken these last 2 nights.
Like I said, set point, no gain but no loss. Probably take me all weekend before it starts to move down again, but you live and learn. Gotta be strong and it’s just for a little while if I don’t do what I’ve done these last 2 nights, as that only extends the time it takes to get to my goal weight.
Vallen wants my eating confession on the documentary, not just me writing it here, because it brings depth and realism to what we are documenting.
Got my hair cut yesterday-looking good now! It’s a little dramatic, a cute flapper-girl type bob; I like it.
Also, weird side note: I am more of an earrings and pendant accessory type girl, with the occasional ring or bracelet if it’s a night out. However, this morning getting dressed for work, I put on an amber ring to match my top and it was loose (I only buy rings for my right ring finger) so I tried and yep, fits my MIDDLE FINGER now! Lost weight in my fingers apparently, didn’t really know or check that with the first 50 pounds; like I said, I don’t wear rings often. Woo hoo!
Had a cheese stick and 2 bites of onion rings tonight.

FEB. 4TH, 2017
Scale this morning read 144 pounds; still at a standstill because of my recent food cheats, but enough already and back on track. Relaxed and organized my candle-making equipment.

FEB. 5TH, 2017
FINALLY!!! Scale read 143 pounds this morning. Told you it would take all weekend. You eat ONE THING and the process stops for 2-3 days.

FEB. 6TH, 2017
142 pounds. YAY!!! Traveling down the weight loss trail, a pound a day. I really think that everyone is spewing out whatever they hear and don’t even know if the research/fact/whatever is actually right.
Here’s an example: They say it takes a 3500 calorie deficient to burn a pound of fat.
They also say that if you were lying in bed comatose, your body would still need/burn 1600 calories a day to survive; organ functioning and all that.
Yet here I am, losing a pound a day of REAL FAT because I don’t gain back and it stays at a set point and my clothes and body stay the smaller size and I can actually see it.
So, let’s do the math according to the experts.
Oh, let’s also not forget I am having 340 calories of powdered superfoods a day.
Ok, so at say 340 calories in minus 1600 calories of just functioning (I won’t be generous with exertion, I have been kinda lazy lately) equals a deficient of 1260 calories that I am burning each day just existing.
So they say.
Then that would mean it would take 3 days, not one, to lose 1 pound at that rate/math.
I think personally it’s just bull and just someone came up with those numbers and we’ve been repeating it since.
Like how many times have you heard the old, “If you go below 1000 calories a day, your body will go into starvation mode and you won’t burn fat or lose weight, it will hoard calories.”
That’s funny, I’m proof of a HEALTHY way that goes below 1000 calories and I’m losing weight.
But for the sake of the above sentence stated as fact, we have to go to a dark place for examples, but let’s look at anorexics. Let’s look at prisoners in work camps.
Unhealthy nutrition, yes, but going below 1000 calories; it doesn’t look like they have trouble losing weight, too much so, but you get my point here.
Just think and be rational and don’t just repeat what you hear; do your own research and look at actual examples.
No, I’m not a medical doctor and don’t claim to be one but I have studied nutrition, calories, muscles, fitness-I was a personal trainer at 19 years old and was certified in these areas, hours of studying.
And they said the same thing as what we’ve all heard.
Yet, time and again, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t and it flies in the face of all that. I’d just like, for once, to have that “below 1000 calories” bull to stop. No more. Not true. Enough already!

FEB. 7TH, 2017
Ok, I had a couple bites of chicken and some potato chips last night-I get a little wine/alcohol in me and the willpower goes out the window! Didn’t go crazy, but the scale was still 142 pounds this morning. It probably won’t take 3 days though. On my period and hey, I needed that wine, that’s all I’m saying!
Also, I REALLY have to watch myself with getting up. It’s not just going from a lying position in bed to getting up, which I have to go from lying to sitting for a minute, to then standing up. It’s now going from sitting to standing up, I need to lean and wait a moment before walking. Or if I bend over to pick up something or reach into the bottom file drawer, when I stand back up, I need a minute. It sounds bad, and I don’t know what exactly I can do to remedy the temporary lightheadedness when my position changes, but like I said before, if it’s the only side effect, I’ll take it! It’s really no big deal, I just have to remember to be slow when I change a position, that’s all.
And I’m telling you so you will know and remember too and that it’s no big deal, it’s just part of the process.
I know someone’s gonna read this and go “OH MY GOD, SHE’S ANEMIC” or something like that but no, I am having blood tests and they are all coming back fantastic and also I am getting 60% of the daily requirement of iron each day. (no, it’s not 100%, who cares, I’m not a 5 foot 10 inch man which is what it’s based on, and I’m probably getting more iron than most on a daily basis. I AM watching my nutrients and levels).
And it goes away quickly.
Almost 30 years ago I had a terrible ear infection and had vertigo for a week; it didn’t go away at any time. I would be concerned for my lightheadedness if it “just would happen” without a position change, like I just am getting dizzy spells for no reason. Then I would think I am having a low blood sugar situation or something that I need to fix. This isn’t the case so no need for alarm.
I looked online for causes of lightheadedness when standing up and it has to do with your blood pressure needing to adjust. Or certain drugs, which I am on no medication at all.
And like I said, it’s not just all the time, it happens when I change a position and it goes away in a minute. No big whoop.

FEB. 8TH 2017
Yep, I was right, scale this morning read 141 pounds, so yay! Back on track…
Muscles are weak, though, I get muscle fatigue just from lifting my arms to scrub in shampoo in my hair! And forget walking fast.
Which is going to make it difficult for me and my needing to go to the gym to take care of saggy skin. I need to build some muscle but the weakness…grrr!
I’ll figure it out, just gotta think it out and right now, it’s the end of the day and time for me to relax in a nice WARM bath!
Too hot of a bath proved to be too much of a good thing-felt faint, so no, NOT HOT. Too much for my body to regulate temperature apparently at the moment. I’m driving my boss crazy, I’m sure, with my 72 degrees thermostat setting at work. I’M COLD ALL THE TIME, brrr!
So, yea, concentrating on just getting to the finish line, but a few things I have to work with my body during the process.
My period is super light and almost done and it’s only been a couple days, that’s a bonus for me!

FEB. 9TH 2017
Scale this morning read 140 pounds. Every morning Vallen takes a picture of the scale so he will make a cool timelapse segment for the documentary.
I’m thinking we should take another body picture this weekend, but I HATE it…. I DO!
I don’t mind wearing clothes, but to show my body in sports bra and briefs….I’m just not comfortable with my body in the way that one would be comfortable with it naked. And I feel practically naked and don’t like showing my stomach and arm flab.
But we gotta show progress and SOON I WILL BE comfortable with my body when that’s all GONE!
We’re gonna work on an Indiegogo campaign this weekend and also write up a press release to have me featured in our local paper. They love local stories and with me having lost now 60 pounds and writing this ebook on how to lose weight and actually cure obesity by healing your body and fixing the root of the problem, and making a documentary and my own formula shake, well, I’m sure it won’t be a problem getting in the paper.

FEB.10TH 2017
So, with a couple glasses of wine last night, I got an idea to experiment (plus I really was craving eggs, I confess). So, I made two eggs with no butter or salt; just water in the pan and “fried” them up, though it wasn’t fried per se.
Just wanted to see if pure protein but no salt or fat would affect the process or not. (Not that I am making an excuse, well I was but also I was curious, although I am not going to change my program).
Curious to see whether if you are going to have some food, these items or this way won’t mess up the process too much. My little experiment on myself.
Anyways, I was right in this, so it must be the salt or fat that messes things up and delays the scale moving for 3 days when I have a lettuce wrapped burger. Takes awhile for salt/water weight/bloating to get out of your system and get you back to where you were. Or something.
Anyways, interesting observation, that’s all.
The scale this morning read 139….AWESOME!



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